5 Cute Quarantine Looks That Say: “I haven’t had sex in two years and probably won’t for another two because that’s what the scientists are saying!”

Things have gotten bad — and things have already been pretty bad for me, as a person who has not had sex in over two years. Some scientists say it will be almost two more years until it’s safe for people who aren’t already living together to be able to hook up. I thought my time to finally feel the touch of another human being was this year of our Lord, 2020 but I guess it will have to be put on hold. In the meantime, I have compiled a list of cute outfit ideas to wear while we are stuck inside and not kissing anyone because kissing is illegal now, or something.

The hoodie and sweatpants combo
Everyone loves to be comfortable in their own home, and you should too! Nobody is around to see you look like shit and you need to take advantage of that. Of course, the ultimate comfort is not complete without an oversized hoodie, but since you’ve never had a significant other to steal one from in the past, an extra large sweatshirt from Amazon and some cologne (to mimic the lingering scent of a long lost lover) will have to do.

The hoodie and no pants combo
This is the outfit that every woman in a romantic comedy wears the morning after she spends a night…